Kevin Kline : Humor

Goals and Theme Word for 2010

KKline — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 02:35:00 GMT

NOT A WHINER I've been really intrigued by a meme making the rounds of the blogsphere concerning goals for the coming year and picking a theme word, rather than the usual New Year's resolution. Et tu, BrentO? As with all memes, they start with a blogger...(read more)

2009: The Year in List Form

KKline — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 18:53:00 GMT

Before I jump onto the Goals and Themeword meme started by my buddy, Thomas LaRock ( blog | twitter ), I decided I'd spend a few minutes looking back on both the year 2009. (From a personal standpoint, the 00's were my most difficult decade yet. Major...(read more)

Sequels for SQL: Dec 17, 2009

KKline — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:46:00 GMT

In the Sequels for SQL series, I point you to sites where you can go beyond the nose-to-the-grindstone resources that we see every day as SQL Server professionals. (My favorite resource for pan-SQL Server pointers is Steve Jone's Database Weekly email...(read more)

Sequels for SQL Server: The Week of November 27, 2009

KKline — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 22:02:00 GMT

I'm starting a new series called Seven Sequels for SQL. In this series, I point you to seven sites where you can go beyond the nose-to-the-grindstone resources that we see every day as SQL Server professionals. These are the story that comes after and outside (the sequels) of our daily working lives (the other SQL). Let's broaden our horizons together. ...(read more)

[OT-Humor] A Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages

KKline — Wed, 13 May 2009 17:34:00 GMT

This blogpost is hilarious! So, how would you write the entry on SQL? Here's my shot - "Initially developed in 1979 to support IBMs first relational database, System R, the Arkansas faction lost their bid to have the new SQL language pronounced 'SQUEEL'."

Enjoy!

-Kevin

PASS Conference Humor - Tag! You're It!

KKline — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 00:32:00 GMT

It's hard for me to believe that I started working with the first board of directors for PASS nearly a decade ago, but it's true. PASS has grown over the years due to the support of the user community, the SQL Server expert community, and Microsoft's SQL Server team. This year's conference is just around the corner in mid-November. If you haven't thought about registering, you should! It's the best and most concentrated SQL Server learning you can get anywhere. This year there are over 130 sessions, dozens of full day pre-conference seminars, and huge contingents from Microsoft's SQL Server support, consulting, and development teams. Take a look at the event schedule at http://www.sqlpass.org.

I've had some neat and funny experiences over the years. In 1999, I was awed to meet the late, great Jim Gray for the first time. When I saw him again later that year, he remembered me in detail and, every other time after that, always expressed interest and excitement in what I was up to. What an honor. Back in 2001, I fell off the stage while delivering a session on translatinge between Oracle PL/SQL code and SQL Server Transact-SQL code. That tought me to never anger the gods of Transact-SQL by speaking about other database platforms at their conference.

In 2005, I experienced and blogged about the shower that tried to kill me in the conference hotel. And at the conclusion of the 2007 conference, I'd been working from 6:00 am until midnight or later all week. This resulted in Rick Heiges sending me a picture of me unconscious, literally stone cold asleep, on the lunch table on the conference on Friday. (Did you blog that Rick?) In 2004, I had one attendee stop me on Monday to tell me it was her worst conference ever and that she hated it. I worried about her all year, then in 2005, I saw her sitting at one of the lunch tables. "I worried about you all year!" I told her. "The conference was awesome after the first couple sessions. I really love PASS now. I was just mad because I kept getting lost," was her reply. Whew!

One of the things I've most enjoyed about the conference is the awesome people I get to meet. I remember meeting Allen White a couple years ago and was impressed with how eager and intelligent he was (and a good speaker too). Low and behold within a year or two, he had joined the ranks of the Microsoft SQL Server MVPs. I've seen that pattern repeated many times now. It's always a pleasure meeting the true geniuses of the business like Kalen Delaney, Itzik Ben-Gan, Kimberly Tripp, and the late Ken Henderson. If you've ever wanted to talk to the best known authors in the business, you should consider attending the event. They're all gracious people and are happy to speak with everyone.

So I thought it'd be fun to hear some other stories from other PASS events. I've tagged several friends below (in addition to Allen and Rick above). Now it's their turn to tell some good PASS stories and to tag a handful of other bloggers in turn!

Joe Webb at http://weblogs.sqlteam.com/joew/
Andy Kelly at http://sqlblog.com/blogs/andrew_kelly/default.aspx
Roman Rehak at http://sqlblog.com/blogs/roman_rehak/default.aspx
Paul Randal at http://www.sqlskills.com/blogs/paul/
Aaron Bertrand at http://sqlblog.com/blogs/aaron_bertrand/default.aspx

Check their blogs to read their stories. Enjoy!

-Kev

SQL Server SWAG Smackdown

KKline — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 23:09:00 GMT

This isn't a technical topic at all. It's just sort of a quick and funny topic that hit me on a whim.

I'd hit one of those moments today when I couldn't get any more work done because I was way to fed up with the messiness of my office. It was time for me to take stock of all the stacks of paper, notes, and other junk that'd built up since the last time I'd done a major house cleaning. As I was triaging the various accretions of the last few months, I started coming across some unusual and interesting tchotchkies and doodads all related to SQL Server that I'd picked up at various events and conferences. As often happens when I'm cleaning things up, I got onto a tangent of cataloging all the SQL Server stuff I've accumulated over the years.

I'm certain that this is a CHALLENGE that I'm gonna lose, but I'm THROWIN' DOWN THE GAUNTLET to see what other MVP, writer, or SQL Server enthusiast out there can OUT DO MY LOAD O'SWAG?!?

Here are the rules:

a. It has to be official SQL Server stuff from the US or an international subsidiary.

b. It has to be free SWAG - none of the custom-ordered stuff from the Microsoft store or a conference store.

c. It can't be from a special, non-specific program like the MCP, MVP, or other "not Microsoft" organizations like PASS, Ineta, Culminis, SQLMag, SSWUG, SQL Server Central, SQLTeam, etc. (This kills me because I've got dozens of shirts & swag between all of these sources, my favorite of which is the "99.999% Uptime Boxer Shorts" from SQL Server Magazine.)

d. And just 'cuz I'm making up the rules, you cannot work for Microsoft now or in the past, since you'd have access to all kinds of goodies that us mere mortals cannot touch. I'm also inclined to exclude consultants who work directly for Microsoft on the SQL Server team (sorry, Kimberly, Kalen, Ron, et al...), but you're ok if you work for them through a partnership deal at a customer site.

So here's my inventory - and the first volley in this smackdown:

1 SQL Server wristwatch (Thank you Microsoft Singapore!)
1 pair of SQL Server flipflops (TechEd '05)
1 SQL Server denim long-sleeve shirt (can't remember but prolly TechEd '02-'04)
1 SQL Server God-awful Hawaian shirt (not the PASS shirt either, for those of you who've seen that one)
6 SQL Server polo shirts (my favorites were given to me by Pete Petisch at the release of SQL Server 6.0 and by Marc Souza prior to the SQL Server 7.0 airlift). I probably have owned more, but I recently purge all of my XL's because they're way too big for me these days.
1 SQL Server BI polo shirt with the snazzy chrome bar on the sleeve (big thanks to Angie O'Hara at the TechEd '06)
1 SQL Server girl action figure (acquired for me by Rick Heiges at TechEd '06, thanks dude!)
10 buttons from various TechEd's saying something like "Ask Me About SQL Server" or "Ask Me About Transact-SQL"

OK, so it's not quite as impressive a haul as I initially thought. I'm sure that there are at least a few other packrats out there who've outdone me by a long shot. Let's hear your inventory! And even if you've only gotten one or two goodies, I want to hear about them - especially if they're weird... like the rubber-chicken someone gave me at the PASS 2005 Summit. Top that!

Cheers!

-Kev

Opening Microsoft Office and other technology blunders

KKline — Tue, 08 May 2007 20:26:00 GMT

Ok, these are just too good not to share! I had several laughs while enjoying these websites. First, have any of you actually encountered any problems trying to open Microsoft Vista or the new version of Office? This Flickr site (I like it best in slide show mode) makes it clear how much of a hassle it can really be!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ucsfpharmacy/sets/72157600095134188/

Second, have you ever attended a technology event and the speaker just couldn't quite pull it together? Check out some of these "worst case scenarios" (aka "worst practices") humorously put together by MEDC team at Microsoft.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZOL878CwfM

Enjoy,

-Kev

RAID Example Revisited

KKline — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 22:07:00 GMT

Thanks to several alert readers, I was quickly notified that my posting of RAID explained via a water cooler analogy had been hijacked by a porn site. You can now find the picture at here.

Many thanks,

-Kevin